JusTees for PAWS, for the love of Stalin.

After Stalin left us some nine months ago, I made a resolve to not get another dog for the time being. I still miss him - I miss him everyday - and I don't think there'd be any other dog to take his place.

And so when I chanced upon the JusTees for PAWS shirts at the Kids' Section of SM Department Store, I felt a tug at my heart. Rummaging through the display rack was bittersweet. I was gushing at the cute designs, but at the same time I was missing Stalin all the more. And although I may never love another dog the same way I loved Stalin, that doesn't mean I can't show love and compassion for other dogs - especially those in need. And that's exactly the reason why I took two shirts off the rack - one for the little man and I.

I <3 Doggies.

Must Love Dogs.

Because for every JusTees for PAWS shirt you buy, a portion of the sales goes to the Philippine Animal Welfare Society. The proceeds will help support the animals at the PAWS shelter, where at least 49 dogs and 227 cats are currently housed.

There are 18 cute designs to choose from in the JusTees for PAWS collection, and each shirt costs Php 199.75 only. They make great gifts not just for kids this holiday season, but also for kids at heart, too! The large sizes can actually fit small to medium-built adults, and for your reference, I managed to squeeze in a size 12 shirt. Haha!

I'm thinking of buying a few more shirts as Christmas gifts, and for the little man and I, too. :)

For Stalin | A Candle in the Wind.

When I first met him in 2006, it was love at first sight.

It was the same until his last breath. 

Stalin would've turned six today if he's still with us. And I would've thrown a simple party with cake and ice cream just like we used to do. But today I'm lighting a candle on his grave instead.

Happy Birthday, Stalin! 

We miss you so, so, much! 

But we love you much, much more!

Down the Long Road of Grief.

If you have a dog, you will most likely outlive it; to get a dog is to open yourself to profound joy and, prospectively, to equally profound sadness.

Stalin's personalized pendant.

The pendant that he used to wear with his collar is now tied to a silver chain... and hangs around my neck.

Our names at the back of the pendant.

It's exactly a month today since Stalin passed away, but until now everything feels surreal. Most days, I'd still wish that this is all just a bad dream. Something that would go away when I wake up in the morning.


Sharing with This or That Thursday, and lots of Wordless Wednesdays.

Stalin | Thanks for the Memories.

Don't despair too much if you see beautiful things destroyed, if you see them perish. Because the best things are always growing in secret. - Ben Okri

I'm still grieving, still writhing in pain. Although my sadness is not a fleeting moment, I am trying to cope up and move on. I am getting the strength from those five years of happy memories.

To my friends, fellow bloggers, and blog followers, thank you for seeing me through these trying times. Your words of support and encouragement are truly appreciated. Please bear with me as I try to get my groove back.

Sharing with This or That Thursday, i Heart Macro, Weekend Flowers, Color Connection and 366.

Stalin, 2006 - 2012.

You put up a good fight. Until the very end, you were so brave, my little revolutionary. 

It's time to rest now. No more pain.

Good night, Stalin.

Mommy, Daddy, and Yue love you so much. You will be truly missed.

In loving memory of Stalin,

the bravest and smartest little furball, who

up to his very last second,

proved that he was worthy of his revolutionary name.

Wordless Wednesdays, Mommy Moments

Stalin Update | The Truth Hurts.

Someone's having the Monday blues.

After restraining myself from seeing him over the weekend, I finally found the courage to visit Stalin today. I knew beforehand of the hapless condition that he's in, so I had to psych myself with the reality that I had to face. At the vet's clinic, I came face-to-face with the bitter truth. And it hurts. It hurts pretty bad.

My Stalin is nowhere near to recovery. He's actually made a turn for the worse. When we got to the clinic, he was just lying inside his cage, hooked to an IV, and breathing very heavily. Yue kept on calling his name, and it took awhile for Stalin to respond. It seemed like even his hearing and eyesight were failing. When he finally recognized me, he attempted to get up. But his knees buckled, and he fell flat on his stomach. Seeing him that weak yet trying to stand up despite the pain tore my heart apart. I didn't have the strength to fight back the tears either, and the next thing I knew I was sobbing amidst the barking of the other patient dogs.

It could be tonight, or tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow. I must brace myself for more pain, as the worst is yet to come.

Yue: Mommy, hindi na ba gagaling si Stalin? Diba dinala na sya sa doctor? (Mommy, isn't Stalin going to get better? Didn't we take him to the doctor?)
Me: Baka hindi na eh... (He might not...)
Yue: (looking upset) Mommy, ayoko ng ibang dog ha. Gusto ko si Stalin lang. (Mommy, I don't want another dog. I only want Stalin.)
Me: Ako din. Gusto ko si Stalin lang. (Me too. I only want Stalin.)


Sharing with 366, Blue Monday, Mellow Yellow Monday, Wednesday Whites.

Stalin, Fighting!

Just to keep my mind off of things, I kept myself pretty busy the entire day - doing the laundry, cleaning the house, sweeping the front yard. Heck, I even did the chore which I hate the most - ironing clothes! I spent a good part of yesterday bawling my eyes out until I fell asleep, and today I wanted to keep my mind preoccupied of matters other than Stalin's ailment.

Earlier this evening, I spoke with his vet over the phone. She gave him some canned food for lunch, but he ate very little. He didn't drink water either. For dinner, she gave canned food again - mixed with some water this time. Stalin looked and sniffed at his food, as if wanting to devour it. But again, he didn't eat. He's now fast-drip on IV, so his body could catch up on all the nourishment lost.

Upon further examination, vet discovered excess plaque and tartar build-up on Stalin's teeth. According to her, this causes bacterial infection which could have led to Stalin's present condition. Although she's still not ruling out the initial diagnosis, I felt a glimmer of hope that it might not be leptospirosis at all. I told her to please, please, please do everything possible to keep Stalin comfortable and make him well. It will cost us my husband a fortune, but money is not an issue if it meant keeping him alive and healthy.

I've been refrained from visiting the clinic, because it might stress Stalin out once he sees me walk away. It's a bummer, but at the same time a relief - I might break down if I see him hooked to an IV and all. I have faith though, that Stalin is strong enough to win this battle. After all, I named him after one of the greatest revolutionaries of all time.

Stalin at five months old.

I'm not a very religious person, but I never forget to say my prayers before going to bed. The past few nights, I've been praying so hard. Tonight, and all the succeeding nights, I will be praying my hardest. Times like these, I call on my beloved Saint Rita, patron saint of the impossible.

Sharing with 366 and Mom and Me.

Trying Times, and My Breaking Heart.

For the past two months, all you've read in my blog were nothing but blithe and cheerful snippets of my daily life. Because this blog is my so-called 'happy bubble', I want all of my posts to be as upbeat and chipper as possible. However, this particular entry is the exact opposite. This time, I'm bringing in the rainclouds and thunderstorms.

The past few days have actually been very distressing. Stalin, our five year-old Shih Tzu-Poodle, has been down-and-out lately - the exact opposite of his usual active and stalwart self. He has not been eating enough since Tuesday, and yesterday until this morning, he did not eat anything at all. Even more alarming was the blood I saw in his poop. (My apologies if this grosses you out.) I called his vet right away and informed her of the situation; she asked me to bring Stalin over for a check-up or a possible confinement. I dashed to her clinic as soon as I could, even taking Yue along with me. (Oh, the pains of not having a nanny or househelp!)

One look at the furball and the vet knew that Stalin is not in a very good shape. All these years she has been used to Stalin's beaming eyes and playful bark, and today all  he gave her was a sullen look and nothing more. She took his weight, checked his vitals, and took a sample of his blood for lab testing.

Based on his drastic weight loss, jaundiced skin, and watery blood, his vet presumed this to be leptospirosis - a disease that damages the liver and the kidneys. And even before Stalin's blood sample could be sent to the lab, she already gave me a picture of what might happen next. I don't take this against her, mind you. I come from a family of nurses so I pretty much know the drill. However, it hurts pretty bad when you're hearing about someone you love.

I was holding back tears as Yue and I left the clinic. We had to leave Stalin there so he could get proper attention - IV, antibiotics, the works. Anything to make him comfortable, if not better. At this point, all I could do is expect the least and hope for the best. I'd be forever grateful if the Heavens do a miracle and heal Stalin completely. If that won't be the case (knock on wood), I pray for strength to move on and courage to accept. For someone you've loved for five years, it won't be easy.

Stalin at seven months old. Also his first Christmas.

As of this writing, it's confirmed. It's leptospirosis. I hear the sound of my heart breaking.